Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Five Horror Movies About Disease...

I'm sick...again. But I'm not as sick as the people in these films.
Edit: I started this when I first became sick and couldn't write anything whilst I was infected...
I have finally recovered and can now finish this post.

1. Carriers (2009)
This is a great film about two brothers making a road trip to there childhood holiday spot after a viral pandemic ravages the whole planet. It stars Chris Pine and was actually made in 2006 but wasn't released until 2009 after he gained success in the new Star Trek. They meet several infected and not infected people along the way. Can't really say more without spoiling the movie...but I do recommend it.

Symptoms: Flu-like symptoms (of course), bruising, gross open sores...and then death.





2. 28 Days Later (2002)
This is not a zombie movie. Noone dies and comes back to life. This movie is about a rage virus. Still scary as hell and I can barely watch it.
Apparently, director Danny Boyle claims it's not a horror movie...if this isn't a horror movie, I'm scared to imagine what a Danny Boyle horror movie would be like!

Symptoms: Even one drop of blood will instantly turn you into a rage filled monster attacking anything and everything...not a zombie.










3. Splinter (2008)
This is an overlooked, not very well known horror movie about a couple stuck in a really remote gas station...there's something outside, that's been infected by this splinter virus, that wants to get in. This is another movie with a lot of WTF moments.

Symptoms: Within seconds spiny darts rip through your body and tear it apart...and then those pieces start moving on their own trying to infect anything it can detect with body heat.





4. Pontypool (2008)
This move is very disturbing. It's a Canadian film that was adapted by Tony Burgess from is own novel 'Pontypool Changes Everything'. A deadly virus, AMPS (Acquired Metastructural Pediculosis), is spread through langauge. It's set in a radio station in Pontypool, Canada. The most disturbing part is the the calls from the witnesses of the outbreak, what you imagine is happening is worse than if they actually showed it.

Symptoms: According to director Bruce McDonald-
"There are three stages to this virus. The first stage is you might begin to repeat a word. Something gets stuck. And usually it's words that are terms of endearment like sweetheart or honey.
The second stage is your language becomes scrambled and you can't express yourself properly.
The third stage you become so distraught at your condition that the only way out of the situation you feel, as an infected person, is to try and chew your way through the mouth of another person."



5. Masque Of The Red Death (1964)
Now for an oldie but goodie, by the master of the B-movie Roger Corman, based on an Edgar Allen Poe short story. This is a beautiful movie, filmed in 'Pathecolor', the famous seven colored rooms have been an inspiration to many filmmakers.
Vincent Price is Prince Prospero, who locks himself and several dozen other wealthy noblemen in his castle whilst the Red Death ravages the poor villagers around them. As they party, strange things happen and the 1% are not spared from the Red Death afterall.

Symptoms: The Red Death is a fictitious disease. Poe describes it as causing "sharp pains, and sudden dizziness, and then profuse bleeding at the pores" leading to death within half an hour.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Four sexy movies to watch instead of 50 Shades of Grey...

So, its true, they've made a movie from the Twilight fan fiction that is 50 Shades of Grey. Here are some old school sexy movies that my friends and I used rent when we had slumber parties when were in high school...yes, I'm that old.

1. Two Moon Junction (1988)

Trashy film starring Sherilyn Fenn from Twin Peaks.
Rich girl hooks up with a bit of rough from a travelling carnival. Lots of sex. Randomly also starred some quite famous, respectable actors including Academy Award winner Louise Fletcher.
There was a straight to video sequel called Return to Two Moon Junction, starring Melinda Clarke, in which I worked in the wardrobe department.
Not as good as the orginal.





2. 9 1/2 Weeks

Starring Kim Bassinger and Mickey Rourke before his face got messed and up he was still sexy and dangerous.
The title is how long their kinky and sometimes abusive sexual relationship lasted before she leaves him when he starts to get controlling and jealous. Sex with food. Sex in the rain in an alley. Sex in public. Cross dressing (her). Lots of sex.




3. Sex Lies and Videotapes (1989)

This is Steven Soderbergh's first film. It's about sexy people; James Spader (who is also in another film on this list), Andie MacDowell (Four Weddings & a Funeral), Peter Gallagher (sexy eyebrows) and Laura San Giacomo (Pretty Woman) talking about sex and having sex with each other.






4. Secretary (2002)
This is what an actual BSDM relationship is like...not 50 Shades of an Abusive Relationship. It stars James Spader as a lawyer who has a very interesting relationship with his secretary, Maggie Gyllenhaal. Very sexy movie.





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