Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Five Horror Movies About Disease...

I'm sick...again. But I'm not as sick as the people in these films.
Edit: I started this when I first became sick and couldn't write anything whilst I was infected...
I have finally recovered and can now finish this post.

1. Carriers (2009)
This is a great film about two brothers making a road trip to there childhood holiday spot after a viral pandemic ravages the whole planet. It stars Chris Pine and was actually made in 2006 but wasn't released until 2009 after he gained success in the new Star Trek. They meet several infected and not infected people along the way. Can't really say more without spoiling the movie...but I do recommend it.

Symptoms: Flu-like symptoms (of course), bruising, gross open sores...and then death.





2. 28 Days Later (2002)
This is not a zombie movie. Noone dies and comes back to life. This movie is about a rage virus. Still scary as hell and I can barely watch it.
Apparently, director Danny Boyle claims it's not a horror movie...if this isn't a horror movie, I'm scared to imagine what a Danny Boyle horror movie would be like!

Symptoms: Even one drop of blood will instantly turn you into a rage filled monster attacking anything and everything...not a zombie.










3. Splinter (2008)
This is an overlooked, not very well known horror movie about a couple stuck in a really remote gas station...there's something outside, that's been infected by this splinter virus, that wants to get in. This is another movie with a lot of WTF moments.

Symptoms: Within seconds spiny darts rip through your body and tear it apart...and then those pieces start moving on their own trying to infect anything it can detect with body heat.





4. Pontypool (2008)
This move is very disturbing. It's a Canadian film that was adapted by Tony Burgess from is own novel 'Pontypool Changes Everything'. A deadly virus, AMPS (Acquired Metastructural Pediculosis), is spread through langauge. It's set in a radio station in Pontypool, Canada. The most disturbing part is the the calls from the witnesses of the outbreak, what you imagine is happening is worse than if they actually showed it.

Symptoms: According to director Bruce McDonald-
"There are three stages to this virus. The first stage is you might begin to repeat a word. Something gets stuck. And usually it's words that are terms of endearment like sweetheart or honey.
The second stage is your language becomes scrambled and you can't express yourself properly.
The third stage you become so distraught at your condition that the only way out of the situation you feel, as an infected person, is to try and chew your way through the mouth of another person."



5. Masque Of The Red Death (1964)
Now for an oldie but goodie, by the master of the B-movie Roger Corman, based on an Edgar Allen Poe short story. This is a beautiful movie, filmed in 'Pathecolor', the famous seven colored rooms have been an inspiration to many filmmakers.
Vincent Price is Prince Prospero, who locks himself and several dozen other wealthy noblemen in his castle whilst the Red Death ravages the poor villagers around them. As they party, strange things happen and the 1% are not spared from the Red Death afterall.

Symptoms: The Red Death is a fictitious disease. Poe describes it as causing "sharp pains, and sudden dizziness, and then profuse bleeding at the pores" leading to death within half an hour.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Four sexy movies to watch instead of 50 Shades of Grey...

So, its true, they've made a movie from the Twilight fan fiction that is 50 Shades of Grey. Here are some old school sexy movies that my friends and I used rent when we had slumber parties when were in high school...yes, I'm that old.

1. Two Moon Junction (1988)

Trashy film starring Sherilyn Fenn from Twin Peaks.
Rich girl hooks up with a bit of rough from a travelling carnival. Lots of sex. Randomly also starred some quite famous, respectable actors including Academy Award winner Louise Fletcher.
There was a straight to video sequel called Return to Two Moon Junction, starring Melinda Clarke, in which I worked in the wardrobe department.
Not as good as the orginal.





2. 9 1/2 Weeks

Starring Kim Bassinger and Mickey Rourke before his face got messed and up he was still sexy and dangerous.
The title is how long their kinky and sometimes abusive sexual relationship lasted before she leaves him when he starts to get controlling and jealous. Sex with food. Sex in the rain in an alley. Sex in public. Cross dressing (her). Lots of sex.




3. Sex Lies and Videotapes (1989)

This is Steven Soderbergh's first film. It's about sexy people; James Spader (who is also in another film on this list), Andie MacDowell (Four Weddings & a Funeral), Peter Gallagher (sexy eyebrows) and Laura San Giacomo (Pretty Woman) talking about sex and having sex with each other.






4. Secretary (2002)
This is what an actual BSDM relationship is like...not 50 Shades of an Abusive Relationship. It stars James Spader as a lawyer who has a very interesting relationship with his secretary, Maggie Gyllenhaal. Very sexy movie.





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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Robin Williams R.I.P.

I was born in the 70's and grew up in the 80's, so Robin Williams has always been in my life in some way. Starting with Mork and Mindy and Happy Days on T.V.
I keep trying to pick my favorite Robin Williams movie or scene and I can't choose just one, that's why I'm writing this blog. There are too many moments, too many memories that are engrained in our minds, that are part of our collective histories.

POPEYE (1980)

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM (1987)

DEAD POETS SOCIETY (1989)

THE FISHER KING (1991)

TOYS (1992)

MRS. DOUBTFIRE (1993)

GOOD WILL HUNTING (1997)

INSOMNIA (2002)

INSOMNIA (2002)

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM (2006)

You are missed by everyone. x

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Five Back To School Movies...

School sucks...amiright!?! Here's some horror movies set around high school. Every other list I've seen had Carrie, The Craft, The Faculty, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Prom Night...so here's some other ones.

1. Class of Nuke'em High (1986)
A Troma Entertainment cult classic...Tromaville High School is located next to a nuclear power plant...mutant shenanigans occur. The local gang is called 'The Cretins'.
There's a couple of sequels.
It's a Troma movie, and if you know Troma, than you know what to expect.





2. Class of 1984 (1982)
Class of Nuke'em High is basically a spoof of this movie...which is Canadian...and stars Timothy Van Patten, who has gone on to direct; The Sopranos, Homecide: Life on the Street, The Wire, Game of Thrones, Ed, Sex & The City and Boardwalk Empire!
A gang of 'punks' terrorise their high school. The theme song 'We Are The Future' was by Alice Cooper.






3. The Woods (2006)
A little known but pretty good supernatural horror starring Bruce Campbell and Patricia Clarkson.
Set in a private girls school in 1965...weird things are happening...in the woods. Girls are disappearing from their beds in the middle of the night and all that's left is a pile of leaves. What's going on?





Christine (1983 film)
4. Christine (1983)
From the Stephen King book of the same name and directed by the master himself John Carpenter.
Arnie is a nerdy teenager with only one friend, who happens to be a popular jock, his luck seems to change when he buys a rusty old red and white 1957 Plymouth Fury named 'Christine'. As Arnie works on the car, which the radio only plays 1950's rock n roll, he starts to change...once shy and unassuming, he's now cocky and dresses in all black. Christine starts to take revenge on the high school gang that have been bullying Arnie.



5. Battle Royale (2000)
Controversal Japanese cult classic based on a book of the same name by Koushun Takami.
A class of high school students are drugged, fitted with collars and taken a remote island where they are told that they have to try and kill each other over the next three days. This movie is very violent but very emotional at the same time.
It is banned in Germany and has never had full distribution in the U.S.

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Saturday, August 10, 2013

5 Movies That Will Make You NOT Want To Have Kids...

This blog post contains major spoilers!

Last weekend, I watched a British horror movie called "The Children". Middle class children become homicidal maniacs, turning on their parents, possibly due to some kind of virus. Firstly, the kids are annoying even before they start killing the family pet and then their parents. And then when they go 'postal', holy crap, pure evil. This movie will make you not want children...and here are four more that are a form of visual birth control.


Village of the Damned
1. They could be mutant alien children that are smarter than you and psychic and will probably kill you with their brains and take over the planet. And their eyes glow. And they are incredibly tidy and wear matching outfits.









The Bad Seed
2. They could be a sociopath and kill three people. And be incredibly tidy and wear their hair in braids. This movie scared my dad so much as a kid he ran all the way home from the movies because it was raining and he was afraid he'd get hit by lightning...just like in the movie.






Ils (Them)
3. They could be part of a feral gang that just wants to 'play' with you...aka kill you.
This was apparently based on actual events.









Orphan
4. The 9 year old child you adopt could end being a 33 year old Estonian woman who has murdered 7 people before escaping from a mental institute. And they're incredibly tidy and wears her hair in pig tails...I see a theme.







Or they could end up being like Veruca Salt...

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Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Kick-Ass and Whip It!

Strangely, I only just saw both these movies this last weekend...strangely, because they are both movies that friends had recommended I watch because they thought I'd like them, and it took me forever to actually see them. And my friends were right I did like both of them...very much.

First up...
Kick-Ass
This movie isn't even really about Kick-Ass, it's about Hit Girl. Kick-Ass doesn't really become a 'super hero' until the end of the movie when he hooks up with Hit Girl to avenge Big Daddy's death. Hit Girl has all the best scenes and all the best moves and of course, all the best lines. She's a much more interesting character than Kick-Ass and you want to know more about her. You pretty much know everything about Kick-Ass.

Next up...
Whip It!
Whip It is Drew Barrymore's directorial debut, I hope she directs some more films because this movie was a fun romp about how roller derby helps a teenage girl find herself. Ellen Page as Bliss is excellent as usual and is no way like Juno, though there is one line of dialogue where she sounded just like Juno. Bliss is less conifident than Juno and is trying to please her mother by being in beauty pageants. But Bliss lies about her age and joins a all women roller derby team of losers, though of course quirky characters. The casting was perfect. The soundtrack is awesome. And now I really want some roller skates!

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Tuesday, July 23, 2013

5 Movies to Make You Forget the Heat...

Hot town, summer in the city...it's really F*ing hot here in the U.K. and I hear there's a heat wave in the U.S. too. Here's five movies that will, hopefully, make you forget the heat...there will be a lot of snow involved.

Let The Right One In
Brilliant, moving, surreal, moody Swedish film that just happens to have a vampire in it. It takes place during winter. There's a lot of snow...and blood.
Oh and the title comes from a Morrissey song.








The Thing

Takes place in the Antartic, so there's lots of snow...and blood. Horror master John Carpenter's masterpiece sci-fi/horror about an alien in a research station. It stars Kurt Russell and has some really cool special effects.








30 Days of Night
Another vampire movie...but these vampires don't sparkle, they are feral, almost rodent-like pack animals. As it's set in Alaska, there's a lot of snow...and blood. And Josh Harnett isn't too annoying.








The Shining
Dad goes mad as the winter caretaker of The Overlook Hotel. There's lots of snow...and blood. Check out the Wikipedia page..there's a lot of theories about this movie...oh and the film 'Room 237'.








And now for a non-horror movie, though the story is horrific and brave.

The Great White Silence
This is a docementary about the Terra Nova Expedition between 1910-13, from which Robert Falcon Scott and four others never returned. It's about the Antartic so there's a lot of snow...no blood this time.
We had the Scott Expedition Exhibit at the Natural History Museum in London last year and it was breath-taking.

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